#fully trick me into thinking you’re just treating me for being a good test subject but record how i react to each touch

[hetalia-has-a-secretary]

Russia X Secretary: Fear of First time (1/2) (NSFW)

TW: Sexual Themes, and mentions of violence. (handsypandsy is my NSFW tag!)

A/N: This is going to be a short story made into two parts. Both of which are going to be kind of long. (Also if anyone can do a word count on this that would be nice, because I currently have no way of doing that...)

This was a conversation they have had but once. Russia and the secretary for the world meetings had already been together for more than a handful of months. The secretary had expressed previously that she was fully intending to wait for marriage to give away her virginity. Both for religious reasons, and due to some past events that made her subconscious about her body, making her insecure. Russia, dissapointed in her reaction toward his advances, had informed her marriage between a country and human was forbidden. None the less he respected her decision, and stayed by her side regardless.

This had put a small wedge in their relationship. He was frustrated over not being able to physically show her his affection, and grew angry over having another reason that made being a country painfully annoying. The secretary on the other hand was having a bit of a crisis. On one hand she wanted to keep her virginity, but on the other hand, she felt her own Sexual frustration rise. It took only a week for her mind to change on the subject.

They were watching a movie on her couch, but the tension between them made the air heavy, and focusing on the movie impossible. They had tried cuddling, but with every touch and shift Russia grew akward, and impatient. He wanted nothing more but to feel her, and show his ever growing desires. Never in his life had this kind of feeling bloomed before, let alone the fact he accepted someone's rejection of his actions. If they did he'd usually force them to do what he wants anyway. So natural he was going to bring the subject up again, eventually. But lucky for him the Secretary beat him to the question.

"Hey Russia... Can we talk about something?"

"Da? Is something the matter?"

The deep breath she took made him temporarily forget the sensations that had been flaring up and agitating him, and focus on her concern.

"I know that we can't get married... And it has me thinking it doesn't matter if I stay a virgin over it, and I think I need to explain another reason why I said no..."

At this point Russia had already turned towards her, pushing some of her short black hair out from her face as she continued.

"It's not just the religious thing. It's not even how I was treated when I was younger. I'm just scared. I didn't want to do it if we weren't married because I was worried you'd just take what you wanted and just... Leave me."

Russia had to take a second to realize what she had said. His heart partially shattered over the fact she would assume something like that.

"Sunflower, If I wanted to take from you, I could have easily done so already. I understand I am not always pure and sweet, but I do not take from you. You usually give me what I want anyway."

He tried smiling for her, but nothing was able to hide the tone in his voice showcasing his inner pain. The secretary had picked up on it, her body shrinking back, and her throat swelling up from her emotions.

"No, I didn't mean it like that it's just- I don't want to lose you. I didn't want to do it with you, and disappoint you. What if I'm not good enough, what if I'm too disgusting and you decide to leave me anyway..."

He had enough of her attitude towards the subject and got up from the couch, rubbing his face from the pent up emotions. This made the secretary choke on her sadness, and she did all she did to keep her tears from falling.

Turning around to face her, Russia could feel his heart shatter further seeing the glisten in her eyes. He understood, or took her feelings in consideration at the very least, but his inability to communicate his feelings properly left him with only one option. Giving her a slight scare, he had sweeper her up off the cushions bridal style.

"What are you doing?"

"We are going to be making the love. I will not allow you to be feeling like this, So I am proving your feelings wrong."

She felt a layer of blush immediately dust her cheeks, and buried her face into his shoulder. Giving a small whimper of protest, but ultimately giving in. Her heart racing.

"F-fine. But-"

"Nyet! No more denying my advances. No more rejecting me, da?"

"But why would you even bother?"

He had to kick the door open that lead to the downstairs guest room, and tossed her lightly on the bed. Immediately hovering over her.

"You are not this dense, but you currently are acting like you are. I do not understand, or care, why you think I'd care about your insecurities."

He had slightly cringed at the last statement, fully realizing how that translation came across after saying it. But this seemed to get the point across as the secretary had looked away, a small smirk on her face.

"You can't just say something like that you know."

"And you can't keep testing my patience by teasing me."

She tilted her head, not fully understanding what he meant. Prompting him to explain.

"You are very cute. I would be lying if I did not admit too... Erhm- Thinking about this?"

The secretary chuckled at him.

"Do you mean... You have fantasies of me?"

Russia nods almost shyly, lifting his scarf over his nose, looking away in hopes she didn't notice his flustered cheeks. Though his actions made it painfully obvious.

"D-da. The daydreaming started out all cute. But as of lately..."

She had to caress his cheek, forcing him to look back at him as she spoke up.

"I'm sorry... I really didn't know I hurt you when I said no the first time."

"I was not hurt! I did not like being told no because... Well... I can't... Marry you..."

This came to a major surprise to the secretary.

"Wait- You want to marry me? I thought you'd be against that because of Belarus? For a while I was concerned I was being too clingy..."

Russia gave her a small grunt.

"But you are not her! I don't mind the thought of marriage, but with my little sister who has little concern over my feelings... Are you laughing at me?"

She had to cover her mouth, but the small giggles still slipped through.

"Sorry! It's just, Kind of ironic hearing that from you..."

She gently booped his nose as soon as he scrunched his face up in annoyance. Russia fully knowing he can't disagree with her statement. The atmosphere finally turning lighthearted like it use to be.

This didn't distract Russia from being his mischievous self though. Gently he laid his weight on top of the secretary, kissing her, then pulling away as soon as their lips touched. He wasn't expecting the soft look in her eyes, lips still parted from the kiss. He didn't even miss the motion of her swallowing the excess saliva.

Giving a quirked eyebrow he decided to push a little further.

"Does this mean, you have decided to change your mind? I can make the love to you?"

The laugh that she gave him over his slight broken english seemed to rile him up more, especially with the rapid nods she gave him.

Feeling his breath hitch in his throat he dove in for a more passionate kiss. Memories of their first kiss and how sloppy it was flooded his mind, causing him to smile against her.

Soon enough the secretary found her hands in his hair, but had given grunts of disapproval as Russia pinned her hands above her. His tongue tracing her lips, wiggling its way into her mouth. The friction of bumpy tongue against her smoother muscle gained a soft moan from both parties.

Russia pulled back, shifting his weight back to hovering, and asked another question.

"So you really are still a virgin, da? I'm sorry if I get to rough with you. Even more so I am sorry if I go against your will to stop at any point. But the thought of having you squirm against me makes me want to... You know."

She blushed, giving a quick nod. She figured he wasn't going to be able to stop once they started. But the thought of him being rough excited her. She was always being told how cute, and small she was at work. How fragile a human was in a room of strong countries and it irked her. She had to get it off her chest.

"I can take it you know. I'm not a little kid, just because I'm a little childish-"

"I would hope not!"

"Let me finish! It drives me insane that everyone else gets to act like I'm a child! I hate it, it makes me feel guilty. Especially because I don't even feel like a woman half the time. I'm over weight, overwhelming, and according to my family I'm way to clingy... So I wouldn't be upset if you didn't want to do this..."

Russia was about five seconds away from taking her without permission. He didn't want to hurt her, or be forceful like that, but the more reasons she gave for "leaving", and the more excuses She gave that stalled the moment was quite Frankly, driving him insane. He was losing the remainder of his patience.

"You are very cute, and pretty. You're working on losing weight, so let me help. This is like excersize right? I do not think you're childish, you're just fun, and goofy! It is very nice to have someone fool around with me..."

Leaning in closer to the side of her head, he makes sure to whisper and breath directly in her ear. A small little trick he discovered that he knows drives her crazy.

"I think you are very womanly. You might have a chubby belly, but you still have curves. And you're... Breasts... are just the right size for me. You being so affectionate and honest makes it very easy to be with you. You don't do what some woman do and pretend to be fine. I don't just like it about you, I need it from you. If you were not like you, I'd be confused. We already discovered once what happens when you lie to me. I am unsure if choking is a thing you like, but I am very sure the last time my hands were around your neck, it was not a pleasant experience..."

The secretary couldn't hold back her remark.

"No. It did not give me the pleasure smile..."

Russia gave a short chortle, kissing her cheek and pressing their forheads together.

"Then do you want me as well? Can I... I can't be honest about my feelings verbally, not like you. So can I please, one of these times show you how you make me feel? Preferably now?"

Deciding to tease him, she pretended to think about it, laughing at his drawn out groan as he buried his head in the crook on her neck. Surprised by the kisses to her flesh, and the small line up of pleases he begged with. Any anwser was a good one for him.

"Da. We can... Have sex then. But just promise me you'll be by my side by morning..."

She felt him nod against her neck, his kisses turning into soft nibbles, and sucking. He didn't want to waste anymore time, but knew from all the movies he watched with her that the first time was important. And just because he was virgin as well, did not mean he didn't know what to do, or how it might hurt.

He started to chuckle into her chest, already leaving small red marks along her throat. His hands had wormed their way under her shirt. His cold fingertips mixed with the feathery touches made her squirm and shudder.

Her heart leaped into her throat as he reached around her torso, and successfully unclasped her bra. She was in shock at how gentle he was being. She was fighting between enjoying the moment, and flipping him over and try to move things along faster.

"You don't have to be so gently. I said I could take it..."

"Da, I know. But I refuse to hurt you."

"Hurt me? I trust you lovebug~ your my big old Russian teddy bear! You couldn't hurt me even if you tried-"

"Not what I was meaning."

Her face turned beat red as it dawned on her what he meant. Now she was morbidly courious if he was really that big, and her eyes unintentionally drifted to his crotch.

He gave her an unseen smirk, and sat himself on her hips. He carelessly pulled off his shirt, somehow leaving his scarf intact, earning an annoyed face from the secretary. Taking the obvious hint he slowly removed his scarf. The scaring on his neck made her eyes widen, and her heart weight heavy in her chest.

"Wh- Russia..."

He shook his head, not wanting to talk about it. All he could say was:

"You are not the only one uncomfortable with their body..."

He leaned back down, his taller body making it possible to stay seated over her hips, giving him easier access to her lips and face. Hands snagging the hem of her shirt, and doing away with the fabric. Her bra falling away with it as well.

She covered her chest, already red and wet from his earlier barrage of licking and kisses. Yet again he pinned her arms over her head.

"If you continue to hide from me Sunflower, I will tie you up..."

She looked away after his claims, but nodded in understanding anyway.

He gave her more kisses, this time they were soft, and ticklish. He made sure to run his lips over each spot she gave the most giggles too, indulging in her sounds. Soon enough he had the ability to tongue at her nipples, hearing her giggles go to restrained moans. For Russia, any further restraint from her was delt with punishment. He started testing her further as such.

He went from licking, to sucking. And when that bared no vocal fruit from her he bit down on them. Her attempts at arching her back Was held in place by his body. But he got what he wanted. She had given him a rather loud moan, even if it sounded pained she did nothing to protest against his actions.

Giving a courious peak he saw the contorted and scrunched up face she was giving. Her teeth digging into her lips. Another bite, and another painful groan. These pleasant sounds were rewarded with kisses, and sucks to her perked up breasts. Russia was seemingly successful in training her to stop resisting, causing her to finally relax and let go.

-End of Part one-

[fracturedmotivationwriting]

When Prometheus mentioned she was getting coffee with Pollux, Ambrose was a bit shocked -- thrilled, but shocked. Ambrose had been fully prepared to have to concoct an elaborate plan with Datura to trick the two into getting back together. But maybe the couple wasn't as hopeless as he had thought.

Still, he couldn't trust them not to mess this up.

So while Prom and Pollux sat two tables away, Ambrose was hiding in plain sight, carefully spying on their coffee date. Thankfully, disguises were pretty easy for him, being a shapeshifting demon and all. Rather than coming up with an entirely new look, however, Ambrose opted for his go-to female form, Amber.

Amber had only dawned this appearance twice in front of the witches, and both had been early in their relationship, so she was hoping the couple wouldn't recognize her immediately. Her plan seemed to be working. The two were completely oblivious that the blonde beauty two tables down from them was their roommate, carefully watching them over the top of Pride and Prejudice. But with the amount the two refused to look at each other in the eye for more than three seconds, Amber was a little surprised they hadn't noticed her. Their conversation wasn't faring much better than the eye contact.

"So how's the book so far?" Prom spoke up finally after a few beats of awkward silence. Pollux fiddled with the coffee cup in his hands.

"Haven't gotten much time to read it," Pollux chuckled. "You only gave it to me yesterday, and I was busy helping Datura test some new recipes last night."

"Oh," Prom replied, deflating a bit at the response. Clearly, she had been hoping they could throw themselves into talk about the book to start the conversation. This was not going how she had planned. It was almost painful for Amber to watch.

"What recipes?" She asked, her eyes shining brightly again like a lightbulb went off in her head. It was sad, really, how these two latched on so hopefully to the small questions. They so desperately wanted to communicate, to get past their 'rough patch,' that they were grasping at straws to continue conversation.

Pollux looked around a bit suspiciously, before leaning just a bit closer to Prometheus. Amber could see the hopeful look in the witch's eyes, the happiness that crossed her features at having Pollux just a little bit closer. But it wasn't for any of the reasons the girl probably thought. Pollux was just making it easier for him to whisper so the surrounding humans couldn't hear. Thankfully, Amber was pretty good at reading lips so this didn't hinder her spying in the slightest.

"We're still working on turning some of those potions in her grimoire into joints, so we were trying to test some replacement ingredients last night," he whispered (at least, Amber was 98% sure that was what he was whispering). "It was a little hard to test some though, cause we were trying to use mice as test subjects instead of ourselves. Obviously, we didn't want to create any unseemly side effects on ourselves."

"But mice can be tricky to translate into human reactions to magic," Prometheus concluded for him.

Pollux nodded, leaning back again. Amber noticed the slight sag of Prometheus' shoulders at the action. She felt bad for her. To have the love of her life so close, but still so far away.

"Yeah, just like in science, experimental reactions in the mice can only translate so far into humans," Pollux agreed. "But some of them looked hopeful. We're going to try and get some monkeys to test them on next."

Prom let a small smile grace her features. It was weak, still hesitant around him, but it was a start. Amber could see in Pollux's eyes that even that small smile was giving him hope too. The couple still had a ways to go in their renewed relationship, but at least they both were holding onto hope. Even if they were blind to each other's love and hope still.

"Sounds great, Pol," she assured him, her hand moving to grab his on the table.

Halfway there, though she stopped. Her hand hung briefly in the air before she brought it back to push a strand of hair out of her face. Amber noted the sad look that crossed Pollux's face before determination set into his eyes. The warlock reached across the table as Prometheus brought her hand back to her cup. He had to lean forward a bit, but he grabbed her hand and held it steady on the table top. The two stared at each other in the eyes for a few heartbeats. Amber could practically feel the tension between them from her table. It was just holding hands, but that was way more than the two had done in a very long time. And judging from the timid smiles on both of their faces, it was a big step forward for them.

"So how is it having your brother back?" Pollux changed the subject, still holding onto her hand but settling back into his seat casually. "And having to live with both him and Ambrose?"

Prom let out a small chuckled, glancing down at their intertwined hands with a small smile. Amber could almost puke from how sweet they were being. What happened to the hardcore witches that had summoned her out of hell? Besides having a demon seduce and lure their human friend into magic, almost to the point where she sacrificed a human life to become a demon, only to have them have to banish her to hell and force the soul of a dead brother into the sacrificed body of warlock in their makeshift coven... Okay, Amber understood why they were a little less hardcore now. At least, with each other. She was also feeling a little less hardcore.

"It's interesting," Prom shrugged. "It's not like Greg and I have to get to know each other, since he's been following me for years, but it's different now that he's here."

"How's he adjusting?"

"Not very well. He's not used to be so weak. He keeps trying to do things that used to be so easy, but now..."

"He's having some trouble," Pollux finished, a small frown on his face. "I can't imagine what that must be like."

Prom nodded, a similar sad look crossing her face. The two seemed to be deep in thoughts for a moment, worried over Greg. Amber couldn't believe that they had let this conversation into their second first-date. It was totally ruining the mood.

"He'll grow stronger," Pollux reassured her after a moment, giving her hand a small squeeze. The action brought Prom's eyes back to his.

"It'll take some time and some practice, and maybe some magical intervention, but he'll get stronger. Maybe Datura and I can look into some remedies to help. We'll stick with drinking potions though. No reason to give your brother the idea that we allow all kinds of smoking."

Prom let out a small chuckle, the mood between the couple lightening once again. Amber let out a small sigh of relief. She was worried that detour in conversation would ruin the whole date.

"Of course, just the magic kind," she conceded. "And only after Datura's made and tested the joints. And only under my supervision."

"We should get him out of the house," Pollux suggested. "He's going to have to see the world outside your living room. Get comfortable with college life. Learn how to act like he's not still sixteen."

Prom nodded, giving the suggestion some thought.

"As much as I don't like the idea of taking him to a party, Datura did mention that there's one going on this weekend. Might be a good place to start," she murmured. Pollux nodded, giving her hand another reassuring squeeze.

"We'll keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn't get into any trouble. But it'll be good for him to get out."

The two continued to talk, conversation flowing much more easier now that they had broken through the ice. It was almost like old times, Amber thought. Sure, there was still some tension and hesitation coming from them, but they were starting to talk and behave much like they did when they would eat dinner at the table in their apartment. It was sweet. They didn't let go of each other's hand until Prom excused herself to the bathroom. Amber felt herself panic for a moment as Prom walked straight towards her. The witch, however, walked right past. Amber almost let out a sigh of relief.

It would have been too soon.

Prom took a few steps back. She looked confused, then shocked, then angry as she stared Amber in the eye.

"What are you doing here?" She hissed, trapping Amber in her spot with a hand on the table and the grip on her chair. Amber let out an airy chuckle.

"Oh, just getting some coffee," she shrugged innocently. "Reading Wuthering Heights for class."

"That's Pride and Prejudice," Prom deadpanned, grabbing the book from the demon's hands.

"Okay, so I was using the book to hide my face so I could spy on your date," Amber admitted, smiling sheepishly.

"Obviously," Prom sighed. She opened her mouth to say more -- presumably to scold Amber for invading her privacy and to tell her to get lost -- but that's when Pollux stepped in. He had seen Prom do a double take before stopping to talk to some girl. Because she had been blocking his view at first, it had taken Pollux a moment before realizing that it wasn't just some girl, but his least favorite demon.

"What do you think you're doing here, Ambro- Amber?" Pollux questioned, arms crossed as he stood behind Prom.

"I just went over this with your girlfriend, I was obviously spying on you two," Amber sighed dramatically. Both witches ignored the term 'girlfriend' as their glares become more intense.

"Get out of here before I make a scene punching a woman," he instructed. "Or I will tell Datura that you at her last banana muffin this morning when you came to study."

Amber grumbled something incoherently under her breath (mostly insults about the warlock and how she hadn't known she'd been saving that muffin as a treat for after her test). But she stood up, sliding the book into her bag and looking disappointedly at the couple before her.

"Y'know, I was only spying for your own good," she argued as she walked away. "Someone needed to keep an eye on your first date to make sure you didn't mess it up."

"This is hardly our first date," Pollux snorted.

"And we don't need a babysitter!" Prom exclaimed indignantly.

Amber didn't dignify them with another response as she left the small cafe, waving goodbye while simultaneously flicking off the soon-to-be-happy-again couple. They wouldn't be mad at her once they were back together. They just needed someone to make sure they actually got that far. Maybe Amber would keep that backup plan of scheming with Datura just in case.

[mrsren]

👀👀👀

First chapter of a multi-chapter Jamione/but am considering a triad with James/Hermione/Sirius. I apologize for how long this post is, but I can’t put a line break in until I’m on desktop.

At first, there was screaming, the sounds of the killing curse ricocheting around the courtyard of what was her home. Harry had fallen, they said. She’d seen his lifeless body, cradled close to Hagrid’s chest as the giant’s eyes filled with tears. At first, there was heartbreak all around them.

Remus, Tonks, Fred—countless others that she could not begin to name.

There was a thought from the beginning of the war, that if it got bad enough, she would be willing to risk how far they had come. It was what led her into Professor McGonagall’s office at the end of the term, breaking into the older witch’s office, to steal the time turner from her third year. She had carried it in her beaded bag, and now it was a heavy weight around her neck.

Ron’s hand was tight in hers, and he was looking at her as if there was something on the tip of his tongue. “Mione, I—”

She blinked back her tears, swallowing hard, and shaking her head. “Don’t, just tell me when I get back.” Hermione cleared her throat, offering a grim smile. “Tell me when all of this is over and we can look at this place again.”

Of course, he didn’t understand. Ron’s eyes widened as she reached into her collar, pinching the dainty chain between her thumb and index finger and bringing it out. She’d charmed it at the beginning of the war so she could go back to Halloween of 1981. It was the last plan, and at the moment, she wondered if it should have been her first.

His jaw fell slack. “Don’t,” he began.

A shrill voice pierced the air. “The mudblood!” Bellatrix Lestrange shrieked.

The small mechanism of the time turner had been set to decades for months. Two spins and three-quarters of another would do the trick. Ron yelled her name as the killing curse crossed the courtyard. Just as there was a familiar tugging at her navel.

And then there was absolute silence.

oOoOoOoOoOo

She thought she was dead when her back connected with the cobblestone of the courtyard, pain shooting up her spine as she whimpered. Logically, if she was in pain, she was alive. Still, there was no standing on her own; the attempts were futile. Her vine wand was gripped tightly in her right hand, the time turner burning in a spot against her chest.

Hermione was gasping for air, blood pooling in her mouth and that was how she was found.

The voice was male, laced with worry as she heard footsteps pad toward her. “Granger? Merlin’s bollocks, you’re alive?” A figure came into focus as he kneeled over her. “Hey, can you hear me?” There was a soft touch against her bared forearm. Had her jumper ripped? There was a sharp intake of breath as a warm touch hovered just over the cursed wound. “What happened to you?”

She recognized the hair, and her lips twisted into what she hoped was a smile, but she knew it was a grimace. Her body felt as if it were twisted, as if her bones had been reduced to dust. “Harry?” Granted, his eyes weren’t green, but this was only a dream. Lingering between the veil and reality, she was bound to muddy up the details. “Where are your glasses?” she murmured, lifting an arm to brush her fingers against his jawline.

“What? I’ve never worn glasses, Granger. Do you know how many fingers I’m holding up?”

Hermione shook her head, her head falling to the side.

And then her body began to seize.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Hermione was tired of drifting. Everything around her was dark, and she could still hear the voices of those around her. She was a bright witch; she realized she was lingering in her own mind, waiting for her body to comply with her mind. Still, if only she could wake up.

“Mr Potter, I can’t allow you to stay here.” came the stern voice of Madam Pomfrey. Hermione imagined her eyes were drawn together like they always were when she took that tone. “You’ll have to return to the tower until the morning. If you would still like to check on Ms Granger, you’ll receive no arguments from me. Now, off you go.” she dismissed Harry.

The bed below Hermione dipped as the matron fluffed her pillow, and she applied dittany to the cursed wound of her forearm. If she was awake, fully anyway, Hermione would have told her it was no use. She’d tried it while she was on the run with —

The war. Why — how could she be in the Hogwarts hospital wing when there was —

Waking up felt like her soul had been ripped from her body.

oOoOoOoOoOo

She screamed, sitting straight up so quickly that she slammed her forehead against Madam Pomfrey’s. Instantly, Hermione held out her hand and hissed, “Accio wand.” The familiarity of her wand did little to calm her as she stared at her legs, hidden beneath the white linen sheets. “Where are my clothes, Madam Pomfrey?”

This wasn’t right. Pomfrey should have been in thle Great Hall, tending to the ones that were still fighting, still hanging on by what little determination they had left. And Hermione, she was supposed to be in Godric’s Hollow, barreling into Potter Cottage before a snake-faced bastard could tear the world of her best friend apart.

“My dear,” she began quietly, her eyes wide and her brows nearly shooting into her hairline. “You need to lay down.”

Hermione’s hand shot out, her wand digging into the throat of the familiar face from over the years. “Where are my clothes?” she repeated not in kind. Surely, she was in an amount of pain that she could not feel at the moment, not with the adrenaline rushing through her veins.

“Miss Granger, I am not the witch you want to hold a wand to.”

It wasn’t like her, not at all, but Hermione laughed low under her breath. “I assure you that I am not the witch you should test, Madam Pomfrey. There is a war, and I need to,” she broke off, her head aching. Hermione leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “I need — I need to go right now.” Hermione gasped.

“My dear, you need to rest.” her kind voice was quiet as she brushed hair over Hermione’s shoulder. “It’s clear that you need to rest, Hermione. You’ve been through a traumatic ordeal.”

Hermione stared around the room, her shoulders trembling as she took in the bottles of potions, the iron caging over the windows. The castle was familiar, but something was terribly off. “What’s the date?’ she asked, letting her wand fall to the bed. She laced her fingers together so she wouldn’t have to watch her fingers tremble.

She wasn’t afraid. There was too much left to be done.

“It’s December 15th, 1998.”

Hermione stared at her, her lips parting before she schooled her features. “Who is the headmaster?” she croaked, feeling her pulse quicken as she pressed two fingers to her wrist.

She didn’t have to wait long for a response. The door swung open, and as fed up as she was with fainting, what was one to do when their murdered headmaster appeared before them?

Madam Pomfrey took one last glance at the girl who was tucked beneath the covers before closing the curtain around her. Leaving her wand to rest on the table beside the bed, Poppy quietly motioned the headmaster into her office. “Albus..” she trailed off, casting a dark look toward the door. “She’s been tortured.”

He nodded, running his fingers through his beard. “No doubt at the hands of whoever took her at the beginning of the term.” Dumbledore murmured. “Mr Potter flew into my office after shouting every password it could possibly be. It was fizzing whizbees, by the way.”

“Unregretfully, I don’t care, Albus.” she replied dryly, sinking into her chair. “She’s not out of her mind. Make no mistake, she was subjected to the Cruciatus, but it didn’t scramble her mind. To your knowledge, was Miss Granger skilled in Occulmency?”

He shook his head. “Not to my knowledge, but she’s always furthered herself with independent study. Word gets around, she did spend a lot of time in a study group with Mr Snape, Miss Evans, and Mr Lupin. It’s possible they learned it together.”

Poppy frowned. There would be no need for Mr Lupin to learn the skill; lycanthropy prevented anyone from breaking into his mind, they would be unable to get past the wolf. From the looks of it, Albus didn’t believe his own theory. “Well,” she sighed, dusting her skirt. “I think you should track the three of them down so you can learn if that is the case. As it is, when I tried to view her mind, she fought back. It was unlike anything a student should be able to master already.”

“Miss Granger has always been exceptionally bright.”

She waved her hand, half tempted to shoot him a vulgar motion instead. “That’s utter hogwash. When James Potter carried her in, I thought she was already dead. Nearly every bone was broken, Albus. I can heal her physical wounds, but her mind...we have no way of discovering the damage until she wakes.”

He dipped his head. “I will wake her study group then, but I fear she has more secrets locked up in her head now that we will need.”

She gritted her teeth, not that he could see it. “Albus, I have respected you a great deal for many years, so I do not say this lightly. She is not a pawn in your war; don’t treat her like one.”

oOoOoOoOoOo

Hermione was sitting in the bed when Madam Pomfrey checked on her the next morning. “Good morning.” Hermione greeted quietly, leaning forward as the matron lifted her left arm. “There is no healing it. I’ve tried already; don’t worry yourself with trying again. I’ve come to terms with the fact that it’s permanent.”

Pomfrey’s face fell and she gave a curt nod. “How are you feeling this morning?”

Hermione’s face scrunched in pain as she attempted to move her leg. “Like I fell off a broom stick without a cushioning charm.”

Pomfrey nodded. “Well, that would be consistent with your injuries. Clearly you remember Hogwarts, and myself, is there anything you would like to tell me?”

Hermione glanced at her, and she picked up each leg and moved it so the matron would have a place to sit. “I don’t remember ever being here,” she said weakly. “I can’t explain everything to you, but I don’t want to tell Headmaster Dumbledore. I can’t tell you why.” It was true. All she knew was that there had been a shiver running up her spine when she saw him.

She probably hadn’t forgiven him for not giving Harry the entire truth the first time around.

“Then don’t tell him.” Madam Pomfrey said, the bed dipping below her. “I know. I shouldn’t be telling you to hide anything, but you’re a conundrum, and I’m not sure he needs to know everything that happened.” she paused. “Would you like to tell me what happened?”

Hermione lifted her chin. “Would you like to tell me?”

It was as close as she could get to saying she had no idea, and luckily, the woman caught onto it. She winked as the doors swung open. “Never fear, Miss Granger, I’m quite bright myself.” Madam Pomfrey rose from the bed, smoothing her clothes. “Mr Potter. I thought you would be by. I must inform you though, that Miss Granger is experiencing a terrible case of amnesia. She won’t remember you.”

Hermione took a good look at the boy who wasn’t her best friend at all. There was a cocky look about him, a sharp jawline that she remembered - with flushed cheeks - that she’d traced the night earlier. He slid his hands into his denims, a muggle pair from the looks of it, and tilted his head to the side. “You’ve forgotten me, Granger? Here I thought I had left you with an impression.”

She blinked as he neared the bed, a Defense Against the Dark Arts book in his hand and he took a seat beside her. “You scared the shite out of me.”

No, this wasn’t her best friend. This was his father.

“I’m sorry,” she replied, crossing her legs beneath the blanket. “Why did you bring that?” Hermione nodded to the book in his hands, flipped open partway. “I’m sorry, could you remind me of your name?” It could be a coincidence, she reminded herself, but she had to know.

If he was offended, he didn’t show it. “James,” he replied. “I don’t mean to sound arrogant by saying this, but I’m surprised you don’t remember me because I frequently annoyed you.”

She snorted. “Well, amnesia is a tricky thing. I remember when you found me last night. Thank you.”

He nodded, dark strands of hair slipping into his face. “I thought you were dead.”

Hermione bunched the sheets in her hands. “I did too.” Her voice fell flat as he stared at her, hands curling into fists. “What?” Over his shoulder, Madam Pomfrey disappeared into her office with a short wave over her shoulder.

“How can you talk about it as if it’s nothing? Granger, you were twisted like..” James pinched the bridge of his nose. “You’re talking about how you were found as if you expected it, as if it was nothing. What the fuck happened while you were missing?”

If it were possible for her heart to stop in her chest, she was positive that’s what the useless organ would have done. “I was missing?” She swayed and his hand shot out to steady her. “I apologize, really, but I can’t remember.”

His gaze dropped to her forearm that was now covered with bandages. “You’ve been missing since Halloween,” James muttered, setting the textbook on the bed beside her feet. “We were patrolling Hogsmeade together, and I —”

The guilt-stricken look that flitted over his face was recognizable. It was the same one Harry often wore. “Whatever it was, it wasn’t your fault.” Hermione shrugged. “Knowing me, I got myself in over my head. I saw something I shouldn’t have most likely. I’ve never been able to keep out of anyone’s business.”

Fondly, she was reminded of the Firebolt that was a gift from Sirius Black before they learned he wasn’t a mad man. Yet this was different. Whoever had taken the Hermione Granger that had been here landed much higher on the spectrum of dangerous.

“You were a terror that night,” James said. “We were meant to be patrolling Hogsmeade, fellow Heads, and I fucked everything up.”

She reached for his hand, hooking her finger through the space between his as it was all she could do with the strain on her lower back. “Hey, I’m telling you not to feel guilty.” she whispered.

“That’s easy for you to say, you don’t even remember it. I left you to flirt with Evans, and I knew some of the Slytherins had been watching you. When I saw your arm, after I left here, I went straight to the head dorm to vomit.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, her eyes beginning to water. Wanting nothing more than to tell him he had no bearing on her wounds, she changed the subject before she could do just that. “Did it work?”

“What?”

Hermione rolled her eyes. “You said you left me to flirt with Evans. Did it work at least?” she asked, twirling her wand between her fingers. “You’ve fancied her a long while, haven’t you?” Surely even though she had ended up somewhere that wasn’t home, that was still true.

“Is this a joke to you?” he growled, eyes narrowing. “I’m attempting to apologize to you, and you’re —”

“Don’t yell at me,” Hermione said, her voice flat, and her wand now poised steadily in her fingers. “If you feel the need to apologize to me, you were already forgiven because you didn’t cause anything to happen to me.”

James didn’t spare her another look before leaving the hospital wing.

She heaved a sigh, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. She needed a library.

[oliveraaliyah1994]

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Do you struggle to get out of bed, feel constantly drained and rely on pick-me-ups such as protein bars, coffee and sugary treats to get you through the day?

If so, you’re far from alone. Research by market analysts Mintel reveals that one in three of us admit we’re permanently worn out because of the pace of modern life. As a result, sales of supplements such as ginseng, energy drinks, and power bars have shot up more than 5% in the last year alone as part of our desperate bid to battle exhaustion.

No wonder figures from a survey by vitamin company Healthspan show a whopping 97% of us claim we feel tired most of the time, and doctors’ records reveal that 10% of people visiting their GP are there solely to investigate unexplained tiredness.

So much so that doctors have even created a handy acronym – TATT (Tired All The Time) – that they jot down in their notes when a patient complains of constant fatigue. Here, experts point to some of the causes – and how to deal with them.

1. You’re not exercising enough

It might be the last thing you feel like, but avoiding exercise because you’re tired actually makes you feel worse.

In a University of Georgia study, sedentary but otherwise healthy adults who began exercising lightly three days a week for just 20 minutes reported feeling less fatigued and more energized after six weeks.

This is because regular exercise makes your heart and lungs work more efficiently, delivering oxygen and vital nutrients around the body.

Reboot your energy: Next time you’re tempted to flop on the sofa, force yourself up for a brisk 10-minute walk – you’ll feel more alert for it.

2. You don’t sleep as well as you think

Recent research shows many of us survive on so-called ‘junk sleep’ – the kind when we wake up frequently throughout the night. It doesn’t replenish our energy levels as well as long stretches of continuous sleep.

Junk sleep can be caused by stress, but also by over-stimulating the brain too close to bedtime. For example, by checking emails or using tablets and smartphones that emit a blue light found to disrupt sleep by tricking the brain into producing ‘wake-up’ hormones right when you need to wind down.

Reboot your energy: To avoid junk sleep, you need to develop good sleep hygiene – which means going to bed at a set time, banning screens for an hour beforehand and developing a wind-down routine that prepares your body for sleep, such as a warm bath, followed by a milky drink and half-an-hour reading something easy-going.

3. Your coffee addiction is sapping your energy

Although we think of caffeine as a pick-me-up, it actually makes us feel more tired once the initial surge wears off.

Dr Chidi Ngwaba, director of The Lifestyle Medicine Clinic, explains: “This is because our brain chemistry doesn’t like being interfered with by stimulants, so it releases chemicals to dampen down the alert response.”

Coffee is also a serious sleep disrupter, with one study in the Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine revealing that drinking it even six hours prior to bedtime meant poorer quality kip.

Reboot your energy: Avoiding caffeine will increase energy levels in the long run – but cut down gradually, cup by cup, to avoid headaches and irritability.

4. You have an iron deficiency

Figures show that around a third of women are low in iron often due to heavy periods.

Some have low enough iron levels to be anemic. If you pull down your bottom eyelids and the inner rim looks pale rather than pink, it’s an indicator.

Reboot your energy: A blood test will pick up any iron problems and you’ll be prescribed tablets to boost levels.

If iron levels are at the lower end of normal, but not anaemic, Healthspan’s Head of Nutrition Rob Hobson says: “Include plenty of iron-rich foods in your diet, such as lean meats, dark green vegetables, pulses and dried fruits, and pair them with foods like citrus fruit high in vitamin C.”

Or try Spatone Apple (£10.75, Boots) which mixes natural liquid iron with vitamin C.

5. You’re missing out on vital B-vitamins

Nutritionist Rob Hobson explains: “We all have increasingly busy lives, so it’s essential to provide the body with enough calories and vitamins to get through the day.

“B vitamins are particularly vital as they’re required by the body to convert the food you eat into energy.”

Reboot your energy: “You can find this group of vitamins in grains such as brown rice, barley and oats, as well as lean proteins such as oily fish and turkey,” says Rob.

6. You are dehydrated

Losing as little as 2% of your body’s normal water content can take its toll on your energy levels.

And it’s surprisingly easy to become dehydrated, especially as we tend to lose our thirst reflex as we get older.

Working in an air-conditioned office, going for a long walk or simply forgetting to drink regularly can quickly lead to depleted fluid levels.

This causes blood pressure to drop and means not enough blood gets to the brain or muscles. This can cause headaches, fatigue, and loss of concentration.

Reboot your energy: Try to drink every two hours. If you’re not peeing regularly or your urine is very dark, it’s a sign you need to drink more.

“Water is best, but if you find it boring, add mint, basil, lemon or cucumber to liven up the flavor,” suggests Rob.

7. You’re overdosing on sugar

Nutritionist Linda Foster says: “What many people don’t realize is that they can actually be made more tired by the very foods supposed to give them energy.

“Sugary energy drinks and snack foods such as biscuits, chocolate, and crisps cause sharp spikes then dips in blood sugar that can leave you flagging, irritable and desperate for a mid-afternoon nap.”

Reboot your energy: Swap to low-sugar foods – and this includes avoiding white carbs such as bread and pasta which quickly convert to sugar in the body.

Linda says: “Instead choose whole grain carbs such as granary bread, wholemeal pasta and brown rice which release energy more slowly. And eat them little and often to keep your blood sugar stable.”

8. You’re skimping on protein

Surviving on fruit and salad might feel worthy, but avoiding protein in the form of meat, dairy and nuts will leave you exhausted, as it’s a vital energy giver.

“It also takes more time for the protein to be broken down in the body, so the energy is released more slowly and it fills you up for longer,” explains Linda Foster.

Reboot your energy: Snack on protein to keep energy levels stable. Eating a minimum of a palm-sized amount of protein with meals, and eating seeds and nuts or nut butter can prevent tiredness. Good protein sources are meat, fish, cheese, tofu, beans, lentils, yogurt, nuts, and seeds.

9. You’re storing up stress

Naturopath Martin Budd, author of Why Am I So Exhausted?, says: “While a little stress helps to keep us on our toes, long-term stress – for example from work or relationship problems – can exhaust the body, as well as being emotionally draining.”

Reboot your energy: “It’s our response to stress that’s much more damaging to our health than the stress itself,” says Dr. Chidi.

“So by learning how to diffuse stressful situations, we can reduce their impact.”

When stress strikes, instead of going frantic to fix things, try to slow down and take a break instead. Call a friend, walk the dog or do some yoga.

10. Your thyroid is sluggish

Having an underactive thyroid – which means it’s not making enough of the hormone thyroxine – is a surprisingly common cause of unexplained fatigue, especially in middle-aged women.

Other symptoms of a thyroid condition include excessive thirst, weight gain and feeling cold.

Reboot your energy: See your GP who can give you a blood test. If an underactive thyroid is diagnosed, a simple once-a-day tablet can correct the problem – and most people get their normal energy levels back soon after starting treatment.

11. Log off

Dr Lipman, author of Revive: End Exhaustion and Feel Great Again, believes people who over-use technology risk running out of steam. “In today’s world, many of us literally can’t switch off,” he says.

“We’re glued to our computers during the day, our phones on the way to and from work, and our laptops in the evening.

"Then there’s TV. All of these are stimulants and they can disturb your quality of sleep.”

Dr. Lipman advises all his clients to switch off their laptops, TVs and mobile phones an hour — preferably two — before bed.

“Exposure to electromagnetic fields too close to bedtime stops the sleep hormone melatonin from being secreted as you fall asleep, which means you never reach the deep, restorative type of sleep we all need,” he says.

“This type of sleep leaves you feeling fully refreshed after seven or eight hours, plus it keeps your immune system strong.”

Dr. Lipman suggests his patients wear an eye mask in bed: “Total darkness helps you fall into a deep restorative sleep.”

12. Meditate for 12 minutes daily

Cut back on multi-tasking. Focus on doing one thing at a time and give that all your attention. Meditation greatly improves your focus and memory, and in studies, subjects’ memories improved by an average of 10-20%, with some showing an improvement nearer 50%.

13. Put houseplants around your home

Keep your windows open as often as possible – indoor air is often far dirtier than air outside, swirling with dust mites, bacteria, particles from cooking, cleaning, smoking, pet dander and pollutants brought in from outdoors such as pollen and pesticides, all of which can reduce our ability to perform mental tasks.

Houseplants (particularly lady palm, dwarf date and peace lily) can be an effective way to purify the air in your home.

Three instant SOS energy boosters

Nosh a nana: Packed with natural sugars, and higher in starch than most other fruit, bananas provide the perfect blend of instant and slow-release energy.

Try this quick acupressure pick-me-up: Pinch the point between your thumb and forefinger, hold for two minutes then gradually release. It’s thought to stimulate energy flow.

Sniff yourself awake: Shake drops of aromatherapy oils like rosemary, lemon or juniper on a tissue and inhale for a few seconds.

Checking Facebook was wrecking my sleep: Claire Rees' story

I’m a mum to Alice, nearly two, and I work part-time as a health visitor.

I’m constantly on the go with my daughter and work.

Every morning I wake up shattered and rely on tea and sugary foods to keep me going.

I feel tired most of the time and also suffer from bloating.

So when I got a copy of Revive I couldn’t wait to read it.

I was wary that Gwyneth Paltrow was a fan – I just don’t have her time or money and need a plan that’s going to be easy and do-able.

Thankfully, all the advice is so simple and easy to follow.

The first thing I decided to tackle was my sleep – I started going to bed at the same time every night and wearing an eye mask.

Just doing this improved the quality of sleep as it clearly got me into a routine that my body liked so I woke up feeling more refreshed.

The next thing I did was cut back on sugar and alcohol, which made a difference to my energy levels and I looked less bloated.

But the biggest difference was avoiding technology. I often browse on my laptop in the evening and I didn’t realize how much it was disrupting my sleep.

I waste time on things like Facebook when I could be relaxing or having a bath – both of which would help me wind down and sleep better.

The best thing about this book is the sheer number of tips.

You don’t have to do all of them, just the ones that suit your life, to make a huge difference and stop you feeling like you’re running on empty.

from Blogger Top reasons why you’re tired all the time and how to get your energy back

[rbbg]

8 Secrets Of Great Communicators

When it comes to communication, we all tend to think we’re pretty good at it. Truth is, even those of us who are good communicators aren’t nearly as good as we think we are. This overestimation of our ability to communicate is magnified when interacting with people we know well.

Researchers at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business put this theory to the test and what they discovered is startling. In the study, the researchers paired subjects with people they knew well and then again with people they’d never met. The researchers discovered that people who knew each other well understood each other no better than people who’d just met! Even worse, participants frequently overestimated their ability to communicate, and this was more pronounced with people they knew well.

“Our problem in communicating with friends is that we have an illusion of insight,” said study co-author Nicholas Epley. “Getting close to someone appears to create the illusion of understanding more than actual understanding.”

When communicating with people we know well, we make presumptions about what they understand—presumptions that we don’t dare make with strangers. This tendency to overestimate how well we communicate (and how well we’re understood) is so prevalent that psychologists even have a name for it: closeness-communication bias.

“The understanding, ‘What I know is different from what you know’ is essential for effective communication,” said study lead Kenneth Savitsky, “but that insight can be elusive. Some [people] may indeed be on the same wavelength, but maybe not as much as they think. You get rushed and preoccupied, and you stop taking the perspective of the other person.”

Taking Action

Communication is the real work of leadership; you simply can’t become a great leader until you are a great communicator. Great communicators inspire people. They create a connection that is real, emotional, and personal. And great communicators forge this connection through an understanding of people and an ability to speak directly to their needs in a manner that they are ready to hear.

"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." -George Bernard Shaw

The eight strategies that follow will help you to overcome the communication bias that tends to hold us back with everyone we encounter, especially those we know well. Apply these strategies and watch your communication skills reach new heights.

1. Speak to groups as individuals.

As a leader, you often have to speak to groups of people. Whether a small team meeting or a company-wide gathering, you need to develop a level of intimacy in your approach that makes each individual in the room feel as if you’re speaking directly to him or her. The trick is to eliminate the distraction of the crowd so that you can deliver your message just as you would if you were talking to a single person. You want to be emotionally genuineand exude the same feelings, energy, and attention you would one-on-one (as opposed to the anxiety that comes with being in front of people). The ability to pull this off is the hallmark of great leadership communication.

2. Talk so people will listen.

Great communicators read their audience (groups and individuals) carefully to ensure they aren’t wasting their breath on a message that people aren’t ready to hear. Talking so people will listen means you adjust your message on the fly to stay with your audience (what they’re ready to hear and how they’re ready to hear it). Droning on to ensure you’ve said what you wanted to say does not have the same effect on people as engaging them in a meaningful dialogue in which there is an exchange of ideas. Resist the urge to drive your point home at all costs. When your talking leads to people asking good questions, you know you’re on the right track.

3. Listen so people will talk.

One of the most disastrous temptations for a leader is to treat communication as a one-way street. When you communicate, you must give people ample opportunity to speak their minds. If you find that you’re often having the last word in conversations, then this is likely something you need to work on.

Listening isn’t just about hearing words; it’s also about listening to the tone, speed, and volume of the voice. What is being said? Anything not being said? What hidden messages below the surface exist? When someone is talking to you, stop everything else and listen fully until the other person has finished speaking. When you are on a phone call, don’t type an email. When you’re meeting with someone, close the door and sit near the person so you can focus and listen. Simple behaviors like these will help you stay in the present moment, pick up on the cues the other person sends, and make it clear that you will really hear what he or she is saying.

4. Connect emotionally.

Maya Angelou said it best: “People will forget what you said and did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” As a leader, your communication is impotent if people don’t connect with it on an emotional level. This is hard for many leaders to pull off because they feel they need to project a certain persona. Let that go. To connect with your people emotionally, you need to be transparent. Be human. Show them what drives you, what you care about, what makes you get out of bed in the morning. Express these feelings openly, and you’ll forge an emotional connection with your people.

5. Read body language.

Your authority makes it hard for people to say what’s really on their minds. No matter how good a relationship you have with your subordinates, you are kidding yourself if you think they are as open with you as they are with their peers. So, you must become adept at understanding unspoken messages. The greatest wealth of information lies in people’s body language. The body communicates nonstop and is an abundant source of information, so purposefully watch body language during meetings and casual conversation. Once you tune into body language, the messages will become loud and clear. Pay as much attention to what isn’t said as what is said, and you’ll uncover facts and opinions that people are unwilling to express directly.

6. Prepare your intent.

A little preparation goes a long way toward saying what you wanted to say and having a conversation achieve its intended impact. Don’t prepare a speech; develop an understanding of what the focus of a conversation needs to be (in order for people to hear the message) and how you will accomplish this. Your communication will be more persuasive and on point when you prepare your intent ahead of time.

7. Skip the jargon.

The business world is filled with jargon and metaphors that are harmless when people can relate to them. Problem is, most leaders overuse jargon and alienate their subordinates and customers with their “business speak.” Use it sparingly if you want to connect with your people. Otherwise, you’ll come across as insincere.

8. Practice active listening.

Active listening is a simple technique that ensures people feel heard, an essential component of good communication. To practice active listening:

• Spend more time listening than you do talking.

• Do not answer questions with questions.

• Avoid finishing other people’s sentences.

• Focus more on the other person than you do on yourself.

• Focus on what people are saying right now, not on what their interests are.

• Reframe what the other person has said to make sure you understand him or her correctly (“So you’re telling me that this budget needs further consideration, right?”)

• Think about what you’re going to say after someone has finished speaking, not while he or she is speaking.

• Ask plenty of questions.

• Never interrupt.

• Don’t take notes.

Bringing It All Together

As you work to employ these strategies, try to avoid biting off more than you can chew. Working on one to three strategies at a time is sufficient. If you try to take on more than you can handle, you’re not going to see as much progress as you would if you narrowed your focus. Once you become effective in one particular strategy, you can take on another one in its place. Communication is a dynamic element of leadership that is intertwined in most of what you do each day. You’ll have ample opportunity to improve your abilities in this critical skill.

source: https://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2016/07/19/8-secrets-of-great-communicators/

[growing420]

Delayed Ejaculation – Causes & Treatments

When it comes to male sexual problems everyone’s heard of impotence and premature ejaculation. But despite being the third most common form of sexual dysfunction in men, very few ever think of ‘delayed’ ejaculation in the same light. For the eight percent of men who do suffer from the problem however, delayed (also referred to as ‘retarded’) ejaculation can be a very real issue that can cause ongoing frustration, resentment from partners and even relationship splits.

According to various statistics, most men reach climax within 2 – 4 minutes of entering their partner. Men who thought they suffered from premature ejaculation may find this great news, but it can be quite a depressing titbit for those who just can’t seem to manage to ejaculate at all.

Delayed ejaculation is medically defined as a total inability to ejaculate during intercourse or to be only able to ejaculate after prolonged intercourse. What constitutes ‘prolonged’ intercourse to me is somewhat subjective, but most medical references seem to define it as sex lasting for half an hour or more.

Of course, in reality you only suffer from delayed ejaculation if either you or your partner finds it an issue. If you find yourself banging the bedstead against the wall for hours trying to reach orgasm with growing frustration; or if the length of time it takes you to reach your peak makes sex a dreaded prospect, then obviously there’s a real problem that has to be addressed.

The Causes of Delayed Ejaculation

Delayed ejaculation can have both physical and psychological causes. Out of the two however, psychological issues seem to be most common. The interesting thing is that many men who suffer from delayed ejaculation when having sex find that they can still reach orgasm through masturbation. And if this is the case, physical causes can be pretty much ruled out of the equation.

At the route of most psychological causes of delayed ejaculation are feelings of anxiety, guilt or difficulties dealing with intimacy.

Men who’ve had particularly strict upbringings and who’ve always been taught to keep their emotions well hidden seem to be prime candidates for delayed ejaculation. It seems that being able to ‘let go’ as well as being comfortable with intimacy and the associated vulnerability that brings, are all major psychological factors necessary to achieve orgasm.

Sex therapists report a whole host of additional anxieties that are causative of delayed ejaculation. Fears of pregnancy, that the act of sex is hurting their partner or that sex is ‘dirty’ can all erode one’s ability to ejaculate. Furthermore, those who have been brought up with the instilled belief that sex is sinful often find that their religiously driven guilt is to blame.

Delayed ejaculation is also often associated with some type of past negative sexual experience. This can be something as simple as being caught masturbating in early adolescence; to the more extreme of either you or your partner having been caught having an affair. And indeed, feelings of negativity don’t necessarily have to stop with the actual act of sex. Negative feelings towards one’s partner – be it distrust, anger, resentment or whatever – can also have a major impact.

Basically, if the physical act of sex makes you stressed, anxious, ashamed or guilty (either consciously or subconsciously), then it seems that unfortunately you’re likely to have a hard time reaching orgasm.

As is true of many sexual dysfunctions, the more one worries about delayed ejaculation, the more of an issue it becomes. There is nothing more likely to worsen the problem than feeling under pressure to ejaculate, whether this is self-induced pressure or pressure from one’s partner. Becoming preoccupied with the process of ejaculation and in so doing losing sight of the pleasure of sex, is a key performance anxiety that can turn a small problem into a major one.

Physical Causes of Delayed Ejaculation

Those who’ve experienced a sudden onset of delayed ejaculation may find that the problem is caused by some underlying physical issue. The litmus test simply seems to be whether or not any sort of self stimulation can lead to ejaculation within a ‘reasonable’ length of time. If you can’t manage to ejaculate through self-stimulation, then you can make a reasonable assumption that the problem has physical roots.

Most commonly, such physical causes of delayed ejaculation are caused by various drugs, both medicinal and recreational. Medications to treat diabetes, high blood pressure, allergies and most notably anti-depressant medications can all be responsible for switching off the ejaculatory process. Likewise, alcohol and recreational drugs such as marijuana are well known to have a nasty habit of anaesthetising the penis and ruining your chances of achieving orgasm.

At the other end of the spectrum, pretty obvious neurological conditions such as strokes or nerve damage sustained to the pelvic area or to the spinal cord can also be the culprit. Of course, these are extremely serious conditions that would show numerous symptoms well before you found out that you had problems ejaculating, and as such are unlikely to be the cause if you are in otherwise good physical health.

Treatment Options

If your symptoms of delayed ejaculation coincided with taking a new medication, then the good news is that your doctor should be able to prescribe you an alternative that totally alleviates the problem. And of course, if you suspect that the problem is alcohol or recreational drug induced, you should try your best to limit your intake of these substances – particularly when sex is on the agenda.

Unfortunately, for those suffering from deep rooted psychological issues that affect their ability to ejaculate, there are no quick fix solutions. There’s no magic potion to alleviate the condition and treatment tends to consist of sex therapy involving both the man and his partner.

Such therapy doesn’t focus its attention on the physical symptom i.e. not being able to ejaculate, but rather tries to address and remove the underlying emotional anxieties that are preventing the man from ejaculating.

To this end, the first course of action is to remove any pressures or stresses the man may be experiencing due to his inability to ejaculate. The emphasis is placed on focusing on the pleasure of sex, which in so doing should help to alleviate his performance anxieties.

Couples are often advised to abstain from penetrative sex in the short term and instead focus on other methods of stimulation that can gradually help the man ‘let go’. As a first step this often includes the man ‘learning’ to feel comfortable ejaculating through masturbation in the presence of his partner. Once comfortable with this, the next step is to transfer feelings of ‘control’ by simply substituting her hand for his. By doing so, the man learns to gradually lose his inhibitions.

The trick, over time is to learn to feel comfortable ejaculating closer and closer to the vaginal opening through this type of stimulation. And eventually, getting to a stage where the man is able to insert his penis into his partner’s vagina just before climax and then letting nature take its course.

By using this technique, one can gradually get more and more comfortable with the prospect of ejaculating inside your partner, and over time this behavioural adaptation may well lead to a total resolution of the problem.

In practice, this technique seems to work best where couples are in otherwise very secure and loving relationships and where both individuals are highly motivated to resolve the problem. Likewise, better success rates are often noted in men who have had positive sexual experiences in the past and who have an otherwise healthy sex drive. For those who are experiencing relationship troubles, therapy to improve the relationship and to enhance feelings of intimacy between the couple are often a vital first step.

This type of sex therapy seems to be effective in about 70 – 80 percent of cases, although both partners should be aware that the whole process can be quite slow. Typically, sex therapy sessions running into the double figures are required for a successful outcome; and being aware and accepting of this is vital. As stated before, feelings of pressure and anxiety only exacerbate the problem and therefore, placing time constraints on recovery are totally counterproductive.

With the help of a non-critical loving partner who is patiently prepared to give the issue time to fully resolve, the problem can often be totally alleviated. Sometimes, men also find that hypnotherapy sessions to reduce their overall stress and anxiety levels are also helpful in aiding the whole process.

Put simply, where psychological factors are to blame, the more you and your partner are prepared to accept the current situation and totally remove any associated pressures or anxieties, the better the chances are of a successful outcome.

The unfortunate thing is that problems relating to delayed ejaculation very really seem to clear up on their own and the longer they’re left, the harder they become to treat. If you are suffering from delayed ejaculation and its becoming a real issue, it’s better to do something about it now rather than later. Dismissing the problem will not help it to go away. The key to a full and successful recovery seems to be for you and your partner to be able to first accept there is a real problem, after that the solution is likely to slowly but surely fall into place.

Source by Gary Marshall

from 420 Growing News http://www.growing420.net/2017/06/28/delayed-ejaculation-causes-treatments/

[growing420news]

Delayed Ejaculation – Causes & Treatments

When it comes to male sexual problems everyone’s heard of impotence and premature ejaculation. But despite being the third most common form of sexual dysfunction in men, very few ever think of ‘delayed’ ejaculation in the same light. For the eight percent of men who do suffer from the problem however, delayed (also referred to as ‘retarded’) ejaculation can be a very real issue that can cause ongoing frustration, resentment from partners and even relationship splits.

According to various statistics, most men reach climax within 2 – 4 minutes of entering their partner. Men who thought they suffered from premature ejaculation may find this great news, but it can be quite a depressing titbit for those who just can’t seem to manage to ejaculate at all.

Delayed ejaculation is medically defined as a total inability to ejaculate during intercourse or to be only able to ejaculate after prolonged intercourse. What constitutes ‘prolonged’ intercourse to me is somewhat subjective, but most medical references seem to define it as sex lasting for half an hour or more.

Of course, in reality you only suffer from delayed ejaculation if either you or your partner finds it an issue. If you find yourself banging the bedstead against the wall for hours trying to reach orgasm with growing frustration; or if the length of time it takes you to reach your peak makes sex a dreaded prospect, then obviously there’s a real problem that has to be addressed.

The Causes of Delayed Ejaculation

Delayed ejaculation can have both physical and psychological causes. Out of the two however, psychological issues seem to be most common. The interesting thing is that many men who suffer from delayed ejaculation when having sex find that they can still reach orgasm through masturbation. And if this is the case, physical causes can be pretty much ruled out of the equation.

At the route of most psychological causes of delayed ejaculation are feelings of anxiety, guilt or difficulties dealing with intimacy.

Men who’ve had particularly strict upbringings and who’ve always been taught to keep their emotions well hidden seem to be prime candidates for delayed ejaculation. It seems that being able to ‘let go’ as well as being comfortable with intimacy and the associated vulnerability that brings, are all major psychological factors necessary to achieve orgasm.

Sex therapists report a whole host of additional anxieties that are causative of delayed ejaculation. Fears of pregnancy, that the act of sex is hurting their partner or that sex is ‘dirty’ can all erode one’s ability to ejaculate. Furthermore, those who have been brought up with the instilled belief that sex is sinful often find that their religiously driven guilt is to blame.

Delayed ejaculation is also often associated with some type of past negative sexual experience. This can be something as simple as being caught masturbating in early adolescence; to the more extreme of either you or your partner having been caught having an affair. And indeed, feelings of negativity don’t necessarily have to stop with the actual act of sex. Negative feelings towards one’s partner – be it distrust, anger, resentment or whatever – can also have a major impact.

Basically, if the physical act of sex makes you stressed, anxious, ashamed or guilty (either consciously or subconsciously), then it seems that unfortunately you’re likely to have a hard time reaching orgasm.

As is true of many sexual dysfunctions, the more one worries about delayed ejaculation, the more of an issue it becomes. There is nothing more likely to worsen the problem than feeling under pressure to ejaculate, whether this is self-induced pressure or pressure from one’s partner. Becoming preoccupied with the process of ejaculation and in so doing losing sight of the pleasure of sex, is a key performance anxiety that can turn a small problem into a major one.

Physical Causes of Delayed Ejaculation

Those who’ve experienced a sudden onset of delayed ejaculation may find that the problem is caused by some underlying physical issue. The litmus test simply seems to be whether or not any sort of self stimulation can lead to ejaculation within a ‘reasonable’ length of time. If you can’t manage to ejaculate through self-stimulation, then you can make a reasonable assumption that the problem has physical roots.

Most commonly, such physical causes of delayed ejaculation are caused by various drugs, both medicinal and recreational. Medications to treat diabetes, high blood pressure, allergies and most notably anti-depressant medications can all be responsible for switching off the ejaculatory process. Likewise, alcohol and recreational drugs such as marijuana are well known to have a nasty habit of anaesthetising the penis and ruining your chances of achieving orgasm.

At the other end of the spectrum, pretty obvious neurological conditions such as strokes or nerve damage sustained to the pelvic area or to the spinal cord can also be the culprit. Of course, these are extremely serious conditions that would show numerous symptoms well before you found out that you had problems ejaculating, and as such are unlikely to be the cause if you are in otherwise good physical health.

Treatment Options

If your symptoms of delayed ejaculation coincided with taking a new medication, then the good news is that your doctor should be able to prescribe you an alternative that totally alleviates the problem. And of course, if you suspect that the problem is alcohol or recreational drug induced, you should try your best to limit your intake of these substances – particularly when sex is on the agenda.

Unfortunately, for those suffering from deep rooted psychological issues that affect their ability to ejaculate, there are no quick fix solutions. There’s no magic potion to alleviate the condition and treatment tends to consist of sex therapy involving both the man and his partner.

Such therapy doesn’t focus its attention on the physical symptom i.e. not being able to ejaculate, but rather tries to address and remove the underlying emotional anxieties that are preventing the man from ejaculating.

To this end, the first course of action is to remove any pressures or stresses the man may be experiencing due to his inability to ejaculate. The emphasis is placed on focusing on the pleasure of sex, which in so doing should help to alleviate his performance anxieties.

Couples are often advised to abstain from penetrative sex in the short term and instead focus on other methods of stimulation that can gradually help the man ‘let go’. As a first step this often includes the man ‘learning’ to feel comfortable ejaculating through masturbation in the presence of his partner. Once comfortable with this, the next step is to transfer feelings of ‘control’ by simply substituting her hand for his. By doing so, the man learns to gradually lose his inhibitions.

The trick, over time is to learn to feel comfortable ejaculating closer and closer to the vaginal opening through this type of stimulation. And eventually, getting to a stage where the man is able to insert his penis into his partner’s vagina just before climax and then letting nature take its course.

By using this technique, one can gradually get more and more comfortable with the prospect of ejaculating inside your partner, and over time this behavioural adaptation may well lead to a total resolution of the problem.

In practice, this technique seems to work best where couples are in otherwise very secure and loving relationships and where both individuals are highly motivated to resolve the problem. Likewise, better success rates are often noted in men who have had positive sexual experiences in the past and who have an otherwise healthy sex drive. For those who are experiencing relationship troubles, therapy to improve the relationship and to enhance feelings of intimacy between the couple are often a vital first step.

This type of sex therapy seems to be effective in about 70 – 80 percent of cases, although both partners should be aware that the whole process can be quite slow. Typically, sex therapy sessions running into the double figures are required for a successful outcome; and being aware and accepting of this is vital. As stated before, feelings of pressure and anxiety only exacerbate the problem and therefore, placing time constraints on recovery are totally counterproductive.

With the help of a non-critical loving partner who is patiently prepared to give the issue time to fully resolve, the problem can often be totally alleviated. Sometimes, men also find that hypnotherapy sessions to reduce their overall stress and anxiety levels are also helpful in aiding the whole process.

Put simply, where psychological factors are to blame, the more you and your partner are prepared to accept the current situation and totally remove any associated pressures or anxieties, the better the chances are of a successful outcome.

The unfortunate thing is that problems relating to delayed ejaculation very really seem to clear up on their own and the longer they’re left, the harder they become to treat. If you are suffering from delayed ejaculation and its becoming a real issue, it’s better to do something about it now rather than later. Dismissing the problem will not help it to go away. The key to a full and successful recovery seems to be for you and your partner to be able to first accept there is a real problem, after that the solution is likely to slowly but surely fall into place.

Source by Gary Marshall

from 420 Growing News http://www.growing420.net/2017/06/28/delayed-ejaculation-causes-treatments/